Moms Are Good News!

Entry by Ken: December 17, 2011
The video below shows how one mom made some great news out of something pretty bad, and in doing so reminds us that parents and caregivers hold the key to positive outcomes for all our kids.

The backstory for this video is a troubling one, and for several weeks made national news.  Following the fireworks on the 4th of July a large group of youths burst into a gas station and began looting and ransacking the place.  Each and every moment was caught on camera and soon the airwaves were jammed with these scenes.  Talk radio was tossing out storylines of "kids today!", demonizing specific classes and races, and some even using it as a bully pulpit to promote the unrestricted use of guns on our streets.  This was the story and it was tough to get away from it for some time.  However, amidst the mosaic of negativity and bad news, there was one shining and proud example of what a strong and positive parent can do.  One that changed the discussion and encouraged others to look past those who are shouting, and rather attend to the ones quietly doing what's right.

The woman quietly doing what's right goes by the name of "Kizzy".  She saw the video of the looting and quickly recognized her daughter as one of numerous youths who were ransacking a Northside Milwaukee gas station.  Watching this video Kizzy was appalled by what she saw, and moreso disappointed that her daughter was one of the kids wreaking havoc.  Well, needless to say, Kizzy called her daughter in the room and had a good old fashioned talk with her.  Now, none of us were privvy to their conversation, but one can assume that the tone was one of disappointment, sadness, love, hope, resilience and expectation.  Disappointment and sadness about not only her daughter's actions, but the actions of 20 other youth on a hot summer day.  But also she no doubt conveyed love and hope in those same words as well.  A love and hope for her daughter and her community.  Kizzy likely reminded her that she loved her, despite the tough decision that was about to be made (i.e., this is going to hurt you, more than it's going to hurt me).  Yes, this mother was likely quite disappointed in her daughter, but the thumbnail sketch of what she probably said was simply, "I didn't raise you like that!"  And more boldy, and proudly, "WE don't act like that!"  It's that high sense of purpose and expectation that must never waiver in order for this young woman and her community to pull ahead.  And after such a long discussion with her daughter, THEY decided to pick up the phone, call the police and have her arrested.  Yes, a tough decision, but one that exemplifies what it takes to belief in oneself, your family and the foundation upon which good things can happen.

When watching this video you'll see that there's quite a few kids wreaking havoc, but already there's one mother who had the courage and a strong belief in her daughter that compelled her to do what's right and turn her daughter in.  This level of courage is rare, and it's illustrated by the limited number of other parents who had similar discussions with their kids.  In short, amidst the wealth of chaos seen in this video, or felt on one's life, there can be some good that is waiting to emerge.  And because of one parents tough decision, that no doubt is built upon years of responsible and loving parenting, this one teenage girl is closer to realizing her potential and recognizing that responsibility she has and that yes indeed, she is better than that.  So, kudos to Kizzy for her courage and for modeling how to take a difficult stand, knowing that in the long run it's going to pay off . And hats off and thanks to those who have the resilience to stand up for what's right, regardless of the cost.  Such actions pave the way for others, to learn how to act and how to lead.  And in Kizzy's case, her efforts have no doubt helped her daughter turn a corner, and modeled for many parents that they can do the same. 

Despite my years of training and experience as a psychologist, I recognize that true and lasting change is accomplished in collaboration with parents who are invested in their child's lives.  It's parents like Kizzy who embody what is needed to bring about that lasting change.  If you're struggling with the stressors of raising kids, or working through the tough times of adolesence, feel free to give me a call.  And ideally we can work together to bring about the change that will help you, and yours harness the resilience and realize your potential.